A note to those who are selfless

Day in and day out, we meet people who may never impact our lives. But if you are lucky, you meet people who are so completely selfless, caring and loving who impact you in ways you never thought imaginable.

It doesn’t happen every day and for some it never happens at all.

Having gone through an exhausting three months, I have been reminded that selfless people do exist. I use to think I was alone, trying to ensure everyone around me was content. But I realized, I am not the only one who cares. I always thought I wasn’t meant to meet individuals like this, but my weekend at the casino made me realize how lucky I have been as of late.

Not too many realize how stress can impact me, even more have less of an idea on how much takes a toll on me. The hardest thing to do is let people care, let them ask the simple questions and ask:

“Everything ok, do you want to go for a walk”
“Lets sit and chat, get your mind off things”
“Lets go for a drive, we don’t have to talk…it will help clear your head”
“Bucks? It will help.”

As I sat, day in and day out, frustrated and caught in the crossfire, these little things kept my sane. Keeping me grounded and reminding me time and time again that I was going to be ok. This isn’t an easy feat for those around someone that is so hard-headed but I don’t think these individuals have any idea how thank I have been for their support.

Knowing your role will help you stay ground and remind you that even though you may feel abandoned, you’re not.

We crumble when we have no support; we stay strong with the support that holds us up.

Image credit: Karen Boshoff

Lesson 5: Never forget who you are

We are all impacted and greatly influenced by what we have experienced. It has given many of us the platform we needed to evolve and become the people that we are.

You and I will meet hundreds of people in our lives, young and old that will show us a new way to cook a dish, a new way to explore the world or a new way to see the world. Giving us perspective and often showing us how simple it is to evolve.

But is evolution a good thing?

The answer is yes!

We all need a push from time to time to remind us that we need to get out of rut of routine and ‘upgrade’ ourselves as we would computers. Parts become rusty or unused and need to be replaced with new parts. We should welcome our personal evolution and the evolution of others. It is how we will learn more about who we really are and what makes us happy.

The answer is no!

Yes, we all need to evolve from who we are…that reveals personal progress. But we shouldn’t leave who we use to be behind and be influenced by the rhetoric in front of us. Take what you learn, hold it close but don’t forget who you are.

Losing yourself is dangerous. Losing your likes and dislikes, your compassion or strength or your own ability to determine your own path will leave you trapped in a sphere of evolution and recreation. If you become what other want you to, you as a being no longer stand on your own, but on the back of another.

Take the time to learn about who you really are before you allow the influence of others in.

“Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others.”

- Plato

Image: Samantha Sweetwater

Lesson 4: Don’t question the factor

If anyone has taken economics, you are always taught about the market push and pull factors.

Pull factor: a social, political, economic, or environmental attraction to a new area that draws people from a previous location.

Push factor: A social, political, economic, or environmental attraction to a new area that draws people from a previous location.


Both have similar definitions, why? Each factor is distinguished based on circumstance and analysis.

The hardest thing many of us encounter are the subtle changes that occur in our lives, especially the unexpected. We need to remember that the situations that we are placed in often pull us or push us into directions that are necessary.

Why are they necessary?
To ensure we grow as individuals, learn new things and gain experience in areas that we otherwise wouldn’t. And to move us toward new phases and begin new chapters in our lives.

Change can be a scary, no one likes walking into a dark room.

But remember, you should face things with one thought in your mind – “I can handle this.” It is a positive mindset that will push us into new phases of life; it’s the negative mindset that will pull us away from opportunity.

Listen to Ralph Waldo Emerson “always do what you are afraid to do.”

Photo credit: banquet.typepad.com

Lesson 3: Knowing your role

There is a lot to be said for the role you play in your life and that of others. Once you understand where you stand, life can become a lot easier.

Each of us fall under one of the following:

Protectors or Guides: are individuals who inherently care about people and want to ensure that they are safe and taken care of.

Listeners: are individuals who are sounding boards for the people that they are with and genuinely listen those who speak to them and pay attention to the actions others take around them.

Takers: are individuals that choose to continuously seek the guidance of others and focus their thoughts and efforts on themselves.

Mediators: are individuals who inherently care about people, listen to them and also choose to seek the guidance of others to focus on themselves.

The question is…where do you fall?

Once you determine who you are, you have to determine whether it is really someone that you want to be. One of the most difficult things that we have to do in our lives is to take time to figure out who we are.

Many aren’t happy with what they find, others are shocked. But if you take a moment now and look within yourself, perhaps you can evolve into what you really should be.

Value you those in your life and the role they play, they may not be there forever.

A Curved Path Painting by Robert Kimball

Lesson 2: Enjoying the happiness of others…

They say happiness cures everything, but I really didn’t realize it til today.

Have you ever had a morning where you just didn’t want to get out of bed, felt completely sick to your stomach and still decided to "buck up" and go to work?

Well, that was the case for me today, but it all changed in mere minutes.

When I was in India, my great aunt told me something that I never thought I would really see come to fruition. She said, “everyone can be cured by true happiness, when you are ill, depressed etc. Spending just minutes with someone who is whole-heartedly happy can affect you.”

My sleepless night, along with a horrible morning where I had to face one disaster after another all seemed to change during a simple dining experience. But it wasn’t the food that made me smile and forget. It was the energy of those on the other side of the table. It was my company. Two people who carried with them, in their back pocket a secret weapon, pure joy.

Allowing yourself to feel happiness in your heart and in the hearts of others is important. Knowing that those you love are happy can cure anything and remind you of what is really important.

My horrible morning turned into an afternoon that filled my heart.

Lesson 1: Value of Friendship

There are so many things that I didn’t realize until I went to India and completely disconnected from my own reality.

I realized how much my friends mean to me, I mean my real friends -- not the coasters that come and go. Those who have witness me at the highest points and lowest points in my life thus far. Those who choose to be present in their lives as well as in my own.

Dictionary defines a friend as: a person you know well and regard with affection and trust.

My definition: a person you know well, communicate with and regard them with the highest esteem, loving them and trusting them unconditionally. Some that understand how to reciprocate in their own way.

Unfortunately, not too many people know how to fulfill this definition.

But it has taken me an extremely long time to figure out who my REAL friends are and who genuinely want to see me happy as much as I want to see them happy. Not everyone is truly happy for others and they don’t realize how negatively it can impact them and others.

So to the few in my life who deserve the title of FRIEND I say this:

Thank you for everything and anything you have done for me.
Thank you for being there when I wanted to have fun.
Thank you for being there when I was falling a part and almost done.

My words and actions will never really be able to demonstrate how much you have impacted my life and my heart. The world brought you in my life to remind me of what I valued. The moments we have spent just doing nothing or working away have been etched into my heart and will forever live on with our countless memories. You have reminded me of my strengths and purpose; reminding me never to change who I am because of my impact on you.

For all of this isn’t enough…but is the tipping point for many more moments of expression to how much I value my friend.

Definition

When you're a you are always instructed to think big, to strive for success and to be 'great'. But when you grow in to your own, what defines your own success.

We all have a different measures:

• Is it that corner office with a view?


• Having impeccable health.


• Owning a home.


• Having a loving spouse and a life filled with children.


• Having a life where you answer only to yourself.

We measure our success in two different ways:

• Through the eyes of others, and


• through the affection in your heart.

We as individuals hold our happiness in our own hands and should only measure our success by our own circumstances.

The risks we take in our lives that allow us to achieve our pockets of success is what makes us who we are. Your strength, your ability to love, your drive all come from that which you learn on your path to success. What over you allow it to be.

Define yourself before others do it for you.

Your heart guides your path

There is a lot to be said about chance and coincidence.
Our paths in life lead us down very different roads, leading us to different places and different people.

But what do you do when your path either by chance or coincidence continues to lead us to the same spot? Is that a sign from the supreme cosmos telling you something or is it just timing?

A long time a go someone once told me that the power of your own heart and its wishes for you expose themselves in stages...preparing you for an eventuality.

So remember, the next time something happens by chance...consider that your warning. You are being guided to a path to your own eventuality. Don’t think about it, don't stress about it. Let your heart take you to where you are supposed to be.

Light at the end of the tunnel

“Patience is required on a path to truth and self-awakening. Your timing may not be life’s timing.”- Robin Sharma

As we progress through life, we all experience it. But not all of us learn from those experiences. I can say I use to be one of those individuals. You know who I am talking about, the person who felt they knew everything about why the world is the way it is; the individual who had a rational explanation for everything.

But my path has been altered.

After spending time away from my own reality, the world forced me to realize that it was time to wake up and be present for my reality. It has forced me to realize that I can’t really control things they I want to, however, I can try to put my best foot forward. From that, I will be guided down the path I am suppose to be on.

There are a lot of things we want out of life both material and emotional, but the world has away about giving you those things when the timing is right. The rationale is that you will get it when you are meant to have it, earned it and are ready for it. I have come to really believe that life will never throw things at you unless you can handle it and/or are ready to progress as a person. From pain to happiness, each moment teaches us something.

Only after disconnecting from my reality was I able realize that my own awakening is just beginning and eventually life’s timing will lead me to where I am suppose to be.

A new journey begins now...

What do you do when you feel as though you are a path to your destiny?

It is a scary thing to know or feel as though you and your life could potentially change. I have come to realize it isn’t something many understand. It is hard to explain to those who don’t understand cosmic energy.

I have always believed, the world bring things to you and takes you to places like India at pivotal moments in your life. India, a country filled with such rich history, a place filled with the holiest of shrines, is bound to bring anyone peace and understanding. I have never been one to live my life by religion, but I do believe that a serene atmosphere brings great insight.

I leave behind my frustrations, pain and heartache and look forward to embracing moments of joy, peace and understanding.

A new journey begins now...

The shadows

We all progress through life with shadows that follow behind us. Some are from your past and others are from your present.

The past isn’t something any of you can change, you can only accept its reality and try to come to terms with the lessons you have learned from those moments that caused us great pain and happiness. The present is filled with moments where you contemplate what you should do and try to determine if your actions or reactions will all be worth it in the end.

These shadows follow us and become part of the inner fibers of who we are. Many of us choose to ignore these shadows and assume that they will settle on their own. Others, inadvertently choose to have them exist but refuse to address them. Then there are those that choose to address them and let the shadows free.

Regardless of what you have decided to do, you need to remember that these shadows will always be part of you. If you choose to set them free, you allow you sole to be free of pain and allow you to remember the happiness that once existed.

But if you are not ready yet, not ready to let your shadows free, contemplate where your shadows go in death. Don’t take the pains of this world with you, treasure the moments of peace and serenity and let those live on with you, forever.

Evolution

Days of quiet pleasantries and warmth can be immediately taken away.
The moments we all spent saying the things we needed to say, transforming us into the individuals we have become.

The evolution of our hearts and the relationships that bind, change without notice.
Leaving things completely out of focus.

The strength you find in words, over come the short-term frustration.

The reality is dependent on the strength of the person communicating their truths.
The eventuality is depended on the power you find within yourself.
The acceptance of the pain you both feel becomes your combined experience.

The heart wants what the mind reminds you could be a falsehood.
A uncontrollable force will only lead your heart to what you deserve and truly is good.

Just say what you need to say, it will always set you free.

A reminder...

There are so many things that we want to understand in this world, but chose not to. The people in your life are a reflection of who you are and who you become. Often, we neglect to realize the importance of the slightest of functions they play on our lives.

We all have moments of utter weakness and great joy, which many of experience with those that mean the most to us.

Living life in this hectic and challenging time, we all experience moments where you think that you have reached the end and don’t know if you will ever be able to get through. You experience moments of joy, that weigh down on your heart…realizing the true feeling of happiness.

It is important to value each moment for what it is and the strength of the person that impacts you at that very second. Each moment will provide you with insight into the next, reminding you that you will never be alone.

Introduction of the closer

Women are interesting creatures. They are compassionate, loving, maternal, and more importantly beautiful works of art.

Women are also very analytical, leading many to contemplate issues or moments in time far more than the average human being. But it is that nature that has led many women to contemplate the closer in their life.

In baseball, the closer is the pitcher that is brought in, usually during the seventh or eighth inning to complete the game. The closer, with all of his energy has the power to change the game. If he keeps his focus intact, knowing the goal is to finish the game, with a flawless finish, he will be man of the night. But that isn’t always the case. There are often seconds within a game, where the closer can loose complete control. These moments leave him unfocused, leading him to make mistakes, loosing control of his team and the batter. In turn, leading to the loss of the game.

All women have a closer in their life, a man who chooses to enter her life at pivotal moment; perhaps, unknowing of his true importance. He too often plays the game, like the closer, ensuring that a woman in his life feels secure, as any pitcher does in a with his team. Giving her security, no matter what happens. He chooses, like the team’s coach does, how much time he will spend and how much time he devotes. Not giving her an opportunity to decide his fate of within the game or their eventual destiny.

His fears of losing the game entirely lead him to halt the game; he is saved, just like a closer is in a rainout, postponing the game. Compassionate, caring, and loving women that understand the issue of such a closer are few and far between. Those women unfortunately are never treated as such. Forced to pause and await the game to commence because of a forced rainout that never ceases.

These compassionate understanding women deserve compassion and understanding in return and shouldn’t have to respectively stand alone, in the middle of the field awaiting their closer. Their pain is never heard, never spoken, this is their voice.

To view more Images like this.

The realities of your position

We all hold different positions in our lives, whether it is at work, at home, or in your social circle. But it the power of those positions that confuse many people, or lead others to figure out how they can use it to their advantage.

Each of us have individuals in their life who enact in such behavior. Now I am not going to say that we all don’t engage in it. I am a big proponent of networking and maintaining those networks for rainy day. But with that said, witnessing the misuse of the network or individuals you call you friends is appalling. It seems to be a regular trend; unfortunately, those beginning taken advantage often don’t have much of a recourse.

You can’t change who you are or your personality which has developed allowing you to connect with others. You can’t change your friends, the individuals that they have become, because they just haven’t gained a certain skill set.

A useful understanding: “The quality of an individual is reflected in the standards they set for themselves.” - Ray Kroc (1902 - 1984).

Realize that it isn’t your fault; all you can do is try to help. But know your limits, often it can be frustrating. Realize that the internal monologue of others is on one track, and is incapable of jumping on to others. Know that you can’t establish the function of any relationship, that isn’t your decision.

You have two options:

• Decide to exist in the relationship, knowing that not everyone is capable or willing to understand the things that are important to you, but choose only to focus on themselves.
• Decide to terminate the relationship or parts of it so that you can continue with it knowing that it won’t be like the others.

The reality of the position you hold on this earth, often isn’t your choosing. More often, you are chosen to play a role that others may not understand. Embrace who you are, what you are capable of and who you will be ….eventually. Be grateful that you appreciated for your abilities, but don’t lose sight of the motivations can exist.

A reality: “Enlightenment doesn't occur from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality.” - Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)

Treasure of pain

There are so many genuinely good people in this world; we encounter them every day. But those good people are often individuals that have faced ample amounts of adversity and pain.

Often the pain they feel isn't erasable, whether it is the pain of death or prolonged heartbreak. This pain is something they hold on to forever, never being able to let go of what happened. They were always told - "if you treat others how you want to be treated, they will oblige."

Unfortunately, these good people that we try to love have been so deeply hurt by their experiences, we are left to pick up the pieces and remind them that their presence in this world is appreciated and valued.

If you are one of those that have been hurt realize that life is about experiences; not all of them easy. You are allowed to be hurt, or feel betrayed, and misunderstood. But it is important to deal with your feelings and concerns and know that you heart will soon feel complete again, if you let it. Don’t push those that have hurt you away, their love with soothe your pain.

To those who love these individuals; always know that they will appreciate your effort to help them, maybe today or tomorrow…but eventually. Don’t hate those who have hurt them, or hate that these individuals feel such pain. You have to believe that these experiences will strengthen them, and force them to realize the lessons they were set to learn.

We can't help who we care about or love. But we can try to remember that these good people deserve you in their life even if they never realize it. Treasure the relationship you have with each person, not all of them will ever be perfect, but the majority of the will have some impact.

Image from: www.timothystotz.com/

Destinies collide

It took one split second, one complete moment, and she knew.

It was something completely unbelievable that would change her forever.

She was given a chance to know what it all really meant.

He was always a part of who she was; she reminded him of what he was missing.

They changed each other, as they were suppose to, as they were meant to.

 

He was scared to face what was in front of him, she was afraid she could be wrong.

She never thought he would walk into her life, or her heart, giving her butterflies.

He never thought she would be what he wanted, or  be able to remind him of who he use to be, that he could be complete.

Once he faces his fears, and she faces hers…they will always be tied to each other, forever.

He was what she had always wanted, and needed. 

She has always been the person he deserved and needed.

 

They will be able to enjoy each second, and each moment, together when their destinies collide.

The act of complacency

It only takes one second for everything to change forever; for you to see world as you never thought that you would.

The impact has changed you, but has anyone noticed the complete change in your vision? Have you noticed the transformation of others?

Are they all so consumed by their own existence that the danger of it all disappearing doesn't bother them? It will always make you wonder what they value.

Life is filled with numerous obstacles and challenges not all of which will be completed, and not everyone in your life will participate as you wish for them to.
You need to help yourself through it.

If you are meant to leave a lasting impression, you will and your heart will be filled with their support.

Choose to accept your present reality, ignore that reality that you thought existed and stand. Face the world with your own strength.

Presumption

Moments of presumption can lead you down dangerous paths to false hope, false expectations and incorrect assumptions.

Everyone loves to do it:

• Make connections that aren’t there.
• Assume falsities about a situation or person.
• Judge a person’s reactions.

The hardest thing to understand for most is that not everyone lives that picturesque life you presume they do. Many either choose to handle it on their own or choose not to make it an issue.

Those that live vicariously through others that look incredibly happen and perfect, expect reality to rear its head. No one has a perfect life, but those that look like they do are able to handle the consequences and impact of the natural aspects of life in a manner that is positive.

Dwelling on negative only keep you in one place, forcing you to stand still while the rat race around you continues on with out. Choose your own path, value the little things and realize the big things will only help you develop and be more aware.

The root of hope

We go through each day with a list of things that we want to accomplish. Much of it realistic, parts of not entirely; we just hope we can get it all done.

Most use hope as a vechile for their own procrastination. Using it as a substitute for a border. What are you trying to keep yourself protect from? Your own fear, disappointment and heart break.

No one likes to face disappointment or their own fears head on, a let alone realize your heart could be shattered. But alas that is when hope enters the picture. Hope becomes your protector letting you believe that if you don't involve yourself in your life or actions, fear won't rear its head.

Unfortunately, something you fail to realize in your analytical process is: assuming the virtues of hope doesn't protect you, but place a road block from yourself and your own eventuality.

Protecting yourself from pain for the short term doesn't mean it won't affect you in the long term. The key is not shelter yourself with falsities like hope and deal with things as the come and be present in your own life to know you must help guide it.

Trying to escape your emotions using hope will only cause you unmistakable pain, the pain you wanted to avoid.

Issues unresolved

The hardest thing to do is go through life realizing that you have kept your thoughts to yourself to appease others. We all do it, we don’t say things to spare others pain.

But my question is, does it have a real benefit?

• It doesn’t remove pain from the equation, because you are still hurt.
• It doesn’t help sustain a friendship/relationship, it only generates cracks.
• It doesn’t bring your closer together; it actually pushes you further apart.

The benefit only involve one person, you.

• It allows you to feel better, because you were the person that spared your feelings to protect the other person.
• It allows you to maintain control of the situation, instead of addressing your fear or the fear of the change that you could cause.
• It causes you to hold back to protect yourself.
  

One thing we all need to realize is that we can’t hold back. We don’t only harm ourselves, but our relationships and the bonds we have spent time nurturing. When you aren’t honest with those around you, realize that you are consciously making a decision to abandon the bond. You are no longer committed to what the relationship was once built on.

All that is left to ask is, why leave your issue unresolved? Voice your thoughts in some capacity, your heart will hold on and continue to ache. The release will bring you the calm to the unexpected storm.

The Value of Experience

We all have experiences in our lives that leave us with an understanding, it may not be accurate, but it is an impression.

The moments we learn most from are those that stem from disappointment and pain. Those are the moments that allow us to contemplate our actions in this world. 

Moments of pure happiness and jubilation lead to reflection, but do they help us? Not always, they don't always help us evolve as we are suppose to.

Pain and disappointment remind us that we don't have control over much in our lives. We can strive to attain what we think we deserve, but perhaps we aren't entitle to, at least not yet.

The greater plans that do exist for each of us may not be ready yet, or we may not be ready and are forced to face numerous obstacles so that we can better appreciate our eventual destiny.

Everyone must remember that you must take each step and learn from the pain, with that will come a better appreciation for what is to come.

Final good bye to Mr. Assumptions

We all have wonderful days of convincing ourselves that we should have hope and assume that things will work out between two people. I was one of those people, who believed this thought, in my world. Believing that the stars had aligned and lightening had struck all that the same time, placing him in front of me. There he stood the one person that embodied what I wanted or had assumed would finally understand and fill in the gaps that I was missing.

Without him even realizing it, I projected all of my hopes, wishes and assumptions of what I wanted/expected from myself onto him. Projection can be a dangerous thing, especially when you do it to fulfill your own objectives.

Realization had to hit me at some point; his perfection was solely based on my deflection of reality. I assumed he could be what I wanted him to be, assumed that he would want to be what I wanted. Finally, I had hoped that eventually the “realistic” hope I had created for what could be led me to a dead end, standing and wondering how all of my assumptions were just that, assumptions.

I should thank Mr. Assumptions; he made me realize a lot about myself, that hope is just that, hope. Nothing I project or assume can come to fruition if they are only based on silent hope and assumptions. It is hard to say good bye to something you never thought you would, but its time. With time comes a realization, that although your heart can be filled and fooled by the projected love and affection, something we all think we want, I learned a lot over the years.

My silent hopes will stay silent, only my dreams for him will be heard… because at the end of this phase comes peace knowing I am a better person because he walked in to my life and took a seat.

Our history

There is a moment in each life time that is never forgotten and will live on through stories and memories. Today, we all witnessed another, a moment that started with a simple phrases that were the catalyst: ‘I have a dream’ and ‘yes we can’. These words echoed through my mind as I watched from my desk, the first African American, a visible minority take the oath of office. Barak Obama became the first minority to become the president of the United States.

It makes you wonder about whether it is a circumstance that thrusts us into a realm of change or if that is our history that determines our circumstance. We all live our lives, working, going to school and not really wondering what our paths are and where they will lead us. Some argue you can’t help what your history will be, other argue that it is predetermined and you destiny will determine your history.

Regardless of our paths to our eventual history, we like president Obama will face numerous challenges and it will be how we handle those challenges that will really shape our own history and our presence in this world.

The Mess of Perfection

We all have a measure of what we think perfect is. The dictionary’s definition is the quality or state of being perfect or freedom from fault or defect.

Society if anything causes us to form opinions or conceptions of an ‘ideal’. Whether it is an ideal job, house, car or spouse; we all have proto-types that we want things in our lives to adhere to, our perfect.

But there is a clear danger in that, disappointment and disillusionment.
When you assume that you are entitled to a level of perfection, you are bound to be disappointed. Millions walk through life striving for an existence, they deem as ideal, but by no means attainable.

With perfection does not necessarily come happiness. People say, “life would be perfect if I could just win the lottery.” Not realizing that when you win the lottery you think you can buy you perceived level of perfection and please the many you couldn’t before that moment?

People say, “when I meet the perfect guy/girl I will be happy.” But that begs the question, were you even happy to begin with?

What about the highly propagated ‘American Dream”, is that perfection? Having the ability to make something of nothing? Continuously striving for your conceptualize ideal of perfection and then eventually living it. Is that perfection or fate?

Have you considered that perhaps you aren’t meant to be with or attain perfection; because when you are with someone that is perfect, or reach a level of what you consider perfect, you won’t learn anything. If you believe you are meant to be with perfection than consider this fact, that maybe it wasn’t perfection to begin with.

Our conceived notions change as we evolve and when we realize that you will be more aware of what perfection really is.

Fear

The act of being afraid.

Everyone is impacted by fear, trying to ensure each action keeps you far away from it.

What if that fear leads you to your destiny, to where you are suppose to be?

What if the fear of heights takes you to your dream job on the 40th floor, do you say no?

What if the fear of flying takes you to the other end of the world exploring a lush rainforest, do miss the flight?

What if the fear of heartbreak drives you to tell her you can’t live without her, do you avoid the opportunity to tell her you love her?

Fear can debilitate us or drive us. But regardless of its impact it leads to a crossroad, where you have to determine what you want.

Don’t let this be another year of fear, choose to embrace the emotion and realize that it is that very emotion that will drive you to where you are suppose to be.